The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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