One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
