please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
