billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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