think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
