hotel room ftw
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
