he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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