Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Welp...herpes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
