you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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