In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
