from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
