ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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