Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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