I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
