She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
