My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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