i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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