1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nutella sex= disaster
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so