At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.