I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
