I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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