it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"