Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.