i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...