I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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