I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't put those talents on a resume
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
