: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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