yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
