i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
