Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
