Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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