Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
