Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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