As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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