Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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