you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
