Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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