I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect