saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think brook has ever known best
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i will never coherently bang her
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down