i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.