My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.