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I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Randomize
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