i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Blood and glitter go together right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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