dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
