Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
