if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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