He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
