Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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