Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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