Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
