im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
