one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
