After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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