There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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