Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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