Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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