i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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