Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
