Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
