apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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