if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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