i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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