i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
