Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
