I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
