He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
