Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
