I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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