Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She announced her abortion via fbk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
