ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
