didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
