Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
