He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
