i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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