Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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