i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
