You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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